i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
