I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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