I could make wine with my vomit
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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