Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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