I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
