You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
