I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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