i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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