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used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
