i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
