I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
did you just send me my own nude
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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