Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
