he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
