Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
