I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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