You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
