I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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