I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
