Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
