I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
