i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't put those talents on a resume
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
