I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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