please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're breaking my sexual little heart
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
