ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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