I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
