somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
