What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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