im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
