The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
