i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
