I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
