I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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