you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
