On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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