i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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