i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
