Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
