FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
