FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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