Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
