She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
