Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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