dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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