I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
