This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
