so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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