She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
