He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
