xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
