I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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