Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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