the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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