I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
