Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
