She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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